My art

 

I wish my mistress could get beyond the "what's he doing" mentality and concentrate more on a what a great hole I'm making here. Would it kill her to at least sniff the dirt?

This is what I get

 
...for acting as my own attorney.

Corgis have very thick coats

Now they say I have fleas. MB treated me with the goop on the back of the neck, treated the yard with some ghastly stuff (she wouldn't let me back there for two days), has sprayed all the throw rugs and has bathed me numerous times, but the fleas persist. She's feeding me garlic and yeast powder -- which actually tastes pretty good on my kibble -- and she's rolling me over on my back and combing me every day and night to catch the mini-monsters by hand. The worst is the collar -- an "herbal" collar -- that does nothing but make my eyes water.

Last night she set on the floor a dish with soapy water, in the center of which she lit a votive candle. The idea was that the fleas would go leaping into the dish toward the candle after we'd gone to bed and turned the lights out.

This morning there were no fleas in the dish, and MB was very disappointed.

Unfortunately, MB had kept the room so cool that the fleas weren't in the mood to stray from my warm fuzzy body; they'd snuggled down and snoozed with me throughout the night.

This is going to be a terrible summer.

Clem strikes back

Clem rebelled the other day and made the coffee. I guess he just wasn't going to take that "you can't make coffee anymore" abuse anymore.

Showed her.

You go, Clem.

Summer

The house is hot, too hot. At night MB shuts me up with her and the birds in a tiny (too tiny) room and runs the air-conditioning unit in the window. Isaac, the conure, gets antsy in the cool air and shreds cardboard at the bottom of his cage. As long as he's restless the rest of us have to listen to his "rip rip rip" noise, which is occasionally relieved by scratching sounds as he shifts to another part of the cage for a new shredding site. Pigeon, the cockatiel, doesn't seem to get restless, but she'll utter a squeak and every now and then make a plop of bird splat. MB tosses and turns and then turns on her light to read. I lie there flat on my tummy with my legs spread out and sigh. This is summer-time. The fleas are biting and the grass is high.

MB took me to the vet this morning so they could admire and molest me. I don't know why she writes them a check. Since they're getting to put their hands all over me, stroke me and violate me, seems like they ought to be writing her a check. Anyway, they started vacuuming the examining room before we'd left the building, which is another thing. They get to keep the dog hair I leave behind. Again, why isn't MB charging them?

I know what's going on

I know things that are going on. I know much more about MB and Clem than they know about themselves or each other.

I know that MB wants to move to Canada.

I know that Clem has no idea what it's really like to live with this woman. I could tell Clem a thing or two, but I'm waiting to see how long it takes him to figure stuff out.

Yesterday MB told Clem he couldn't make coffee anymore because
a) he forgets to close the coffee container
b) he forgets to check for the filter basket when he loads coffee into the machine
and
c) he leaves coffee grounds on the counter after grinding the beans.

I think Clem was mildly offended on principle, but he seems to be ok with her making the coffee.

I'm tracking the story -- will report more later. You think a dog has nothing to say on his blog? Think again.

Hardships

My life is not easy. I have talents that are not encouraged, needs that are ignored. Below I've listed only a few of my mistress's more unfortunate attributes:

Disinterest
1. Landscaping work not truly appreciated. Sure, MB says nice things, but I can tell she doesn’t share my vision.

Nagging
2. Every now and then I’ll “blow” my coat, which means that fur can be pulled out in nice, easily removed tufts. I’ll be lying there on the floor peacefully, and MB will start pulling fur and remarking how much there is, how it flies all over the place, how much she has to sweep. The fur doesn't bother me, so I overlook the sweeping issue.

Why does she want to make this my problem, and why not let a sleeping dog lie?

Insensitivity
3. MB has this pattern of communicating with the bird that is irritating, possibly harmful to my ears. The bird will squawk and MB will start singing in this godawful voice that makes an ambulance siren seem mellow and soothing. If I could phone for help I would.

I can sing, too, so I do pipe up on these occasions. MB's response: Laughter. Talk about insensitive.

Stinginess
4. MB is stingy with the goat cheese. When spreading goat cheese on a cracker, she often neglects to spread equal amounts on my bone.

Doesn't "get it."
5. She’s always asking me not to get into the garbage. This is a tiresome request that I routinely ignore. When will she figure out that I like going into the garbage?

There's more, but I don't want to seem like a complainer.

Yardmaster

I had a pretty good Memorial Day weekend. Zeul, from next door, visited. Zeul is a Belgian Malinois. She's pretty, but undignified. I nipped her ankles around the yard a few times just to show her who the real herder is. She kept trying to hide behind the legs of the people in the yard. Coy bitch. It's clear she wants me.